Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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