This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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