fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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