Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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