I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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