and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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