I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
