I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
