I cockslap morals
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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