I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
