I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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