forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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