sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
this is an emotional support booty call
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
