nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
