K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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