a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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