would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
