i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize