John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
