So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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