My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
