So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
