i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
