Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
