If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
