I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
