u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
