Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize