before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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