In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
