Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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