im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
