it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
