You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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