I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
