im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
