chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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