You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
nutella sex= disaster
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
