Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
