I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
