Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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