i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize