Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
