I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
