oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
