"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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