would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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