I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
