she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
