yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
