We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
