the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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