Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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