can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
