dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
