hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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