But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
