I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
