Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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