She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
