His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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