your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize