im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
