butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
