i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
