I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
