I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
