your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize