I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize