On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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