It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize