Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
